Everyone Is Skinny at the Prom

In the interest of keeping my public meltdown going, I recently unearthed a bunch of my prom pictures from, ugh, 1999. Ten years ago. One decade! This was inspired by four of the kids I work with, Corey, Abby, Hunter & Jason, who recently went to their own high school prom. It obviously made me nostalgic - and suicidal. I am running a marathon as a last resort to lose weight and get in shape (and to raise money for cancer research - blah, blah, blah), but instead am reminded of the ugliest truth of all. I'm not only out of shape and about to run a grueling 26.2 miles - I'm also old? In the words of my father: "I really didn't need this right now."

I've now posted these pictures on the refrigerators at both my office and my work with signs that reads:



The obvious concern here is that I live alone (although, I do have a leprechaun by the name of Craig crashing with me for the next couple of weeks) and I would have to tell myself to stop from going Anna Nicole on the icebox - and the last thing I need is a mental breakdown a la Jan Brady. I think I might rig something up, so every I open the fridge at home a really, really hot girl's voice says: "Would you rather have the fried Chicken Breast or mine? Stop eating." I'm just concerned that this will lead to an unhealthy sexual compulsion towards food. I don't want to get turned on every time I drive past a Popeye's.

Regardless, revel in what 10 years of hard living can do to a person...