Training Schedule

The fun parts of deciding to run a marathon when you are comically unprepared for it are, of course, the attention, the praise, motivation and general shock and awe. Unfortunately, that lasts for approximately five or six e-mails. After that, the cold heartless bitch called reality comes to bite you in the ass and remind you that there is more to this than just accolades. There is running. A lot. Like a marathon's worth. After the jump is my training plan. Gulp.

Here is my training plan. It seems pretty reasonable - it's the same rough plan that Tara used when she was the first Ed's Team For Fred's Team runner four years ago. Granted, Tara is more or less chiseled out of stone (her kick-ass physique, not her heart- she's just a doll in real life) - but it's what I have to go with. Her sister, Jill and cousin, Heather, who are also running the marathon this year, are using the same training plan, so I feel confident that I should, at the very least, be able to fake my way through the training process. My fear is that the recurring dream I have about making it to the finals of American Idol only to come to the realization that I can't sing a note right before I go on stage for the finale, is what's going to happen with the marathon. I'm going to half-ass it and convince myself that I'm totally prepared for this, and then I'm going to be standing on the Verrazano Narrows Bridge ready to start the race and realize that the walk from the car to the starting line gave me shin splints and, oh yeah, I hate running. I'm sure a lot of first-time marathoners have these kind of panic attacks - but I just don't want to let the nerves get the best of me, and they are - before I've even started. Furthermore, if I have to make a trip all the way to Staten Island for nothing, I'm going to be really pisst off. I will not going to let the least powerful of all the boroughs get the best of me! Added bonus for those people who interact with me, please note the days and times where my runs will cause me to be a particularly unbearable douchebag. You've been warned.